A mental model for performance anxiety and perfectionism
Putting yourself out there is hard.
“ What if I make a fool of myself”
“What if they don’t like me”
“What if I’m not talented enough?
“What if I fail ?”…
These are some of the questions that pop up in our minds when we are about to embark on anything that puts us outside of our comfort zone.
You’ve probably heard of the popular public speaking advice:“ just imagine your audience naked”.
This idea is supposed to help you feel less nervous. To help bring your audience to an equal level and make the situation seem less intimidating. But there’s a problem with that advice. Not only is it creepy, it’s also mentally distracting…for obvious reasons.
Thankfully, you don’t need to follow that advice. There’s a more PG-rated and easier alternative. Although I learned this for public speaking, this idea can also be applied to anything that requires you to put yourself out there.
First, here’s a clip from one of the most awkward moments of my life- my very first time pitching:
In this clip, you can see how uncomfortable and devoid of any charisma I was. But this shouldn’t have been the case. Not only was I fully prepared, I also felt confident heading into that pitch. Yet somehow, I failed.
Here’s a breakdown of what led to that awkward moment.
- I spent the previous week getting ready for the pitch and memorizing everything.
- That day, I arrived at the venue early and sat in the front row before others arrived.
- I was so focused on being in the zone that I didn’t take the time to look around. I didn’t realize that the room had slowly filled up.
- When they finally called me up to pitch and I looked at the room for the first time, I suddenly noticed all the unfamiliar faces staring at me 😲
- I completely froze and forgot everything I practiced 🤦♂️
I’ve never felt more embarrassed than I was that day. But that sparked the determination to never let that happen again.
That night, I stayed up late to analyze what happened. I looked for ways to overcome that anxiety that made me to freeze on that stage. Although my search failed, I luckily stumbled on this video of the legendary Lauryn Hill getting booed on stage at 13:
In less than 3 minutes, I watched Lauryn Hill turn a room full of people booing her into resounding applause. Even though she initially struggled, she performed with so much grace and composure well beyond her young age. She was so unbothered and present in that moment that it seemed like no one else existed in that room. It was like she was just doing her own thing and performing for an empty room. This was exactly what I needed to see.
What it means to perform for an empty room
‘Perform for an empty room’ is simply a mindset or mental model where you imagine that there’s no audience at all, no matter the venue or amount of people in the room.
It means whether you’re performing to ten people, a packed stadium or you’re releasing a product that will reach millions of people, you act like you’re still in your studio, gym, dojo, or wherever you practice your craft.
The performance becomes just another practice. The process of performing your craft becomes the focus and not the result or the attention of an audience.
This does not mean that you’re not creating with an audience in mind. You can and should create for others in mind, but execute like no one is paying attention to you.
Why you should perform for an empty room
Freedom of expression
The thought of others seeing your work can be uncomfortable. Feeling like no one is watching allows you to express yourself in the weird, unique, quirky, and awesome way only you can.
No fear of judgment
The fear of judgment is deep-rooted in our DNA. It’s also one of the biggest killers of dreams. If you think you’re performing for an empty room, then how can people who are not even there judge you?
Reduced Anxiety
The above fear of judgment can lead to anxiety. The realization of the scale of what we’re doing can also lead to anxiety. This can make anyone crumble under pressure. That’s exactly what happened to me in that pitch.
This mental model won’t cure clinical anxiety, but it’s an helpful tool to cope with it.
No Distraction
Having others around when performing anything can be a distraction. We worry about what they think of us, what their reaction(or lack of) may mean, if they like us etc.
These thoughts can throw us off our game and lead to errors in our performance. This then reinforces the aforementioned anxiety. No audience means no distraction.
Reduce fear of failure
When you practice on your own and you fail, you know it’s not a big deal. You just keep things moving. This mental model helps you pretend you’re still in practice mode. This gives you the license to fail.
Reduce Perfectionism
We often fail to even perform the things we are good at because we are too worried about not being perfect or what our performance may do to our reputation. There’s no reputation to worry about or protect when no one else is around.
Combat Imposter syndrome
“I have written 11 books, but each time I think, ‘uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.’”- Maya Angelou
Impostor syndrome is the feeling of being found as a fraud. A lot of the top performers we look up to suffer from this. This can sometimes cause us to minimize ourselves to avoid too much attention- to avoid scrutiny.
If there’s no one watching, then who are you minimizing yourself for?
Keep the ego in check
It’s easy to become prideful when things are going well. This pride can lead to mistakes and poor performance. Performing to an empty room allows us to keep that ego in check. If no one is watching, who’s there to impress?
On the reverse, it also helps to keep going when things aren’t going well; just like Ms. Lauryn showed us.
You lose the fear of rejection
We can ruin our performance when we try to seek the approval of others. We can act out of character and break from our authentic self in order to get the applause. Using this mental framework eliminates this completely, so you execute in a flow state.
I started using this model after that first embarrassing pitch event. I rehearsed alone(usually in my room) and when it was time to pitch in front of others, I simply put myself back mentally into that room, with nobody there.
I’m still far from perfect, but I’m definitely not as bad as that first pitch.
This framework also reiterates the importance of practice. Practice till what you do becomes second-nature to you. Then no matter the stage, your performance is just another opportunity to express yourself.
Perform that new dance routine like there’s no one watching.
Post that article without worrying about who will read it.
Launch that product without worrying about the reception.
Release that song without worrying if it will be a hit.
Think and even obsess about the audience when creating, but when it’s time to perform, let them all fade away. Be in the moment with yourself and perform for an empty room.
